Packed and ready

It's hard for me to fathom that in about 15 hours I'll be on an island, wrapped in the sweet arms of my love. There's not much more I could wish for in this world, except I still have to get through the "getting there" part, which is definitely not my favorite thing in the world. I'm not afraid of flying, but I really do hate being confined to an airplane. And, this time, it will be 7 1/2 hours. I've never flown more than a couple of hours, so I hope that I am able to distract myself and make the time pass quickly somehow.

I think it's going to be a bit of a long day, not only the long flight, but a long layover. Lots of time for anticipation. I just can't wait to get there.

Just make it through the day

My moods are still swinging, but maybe not with such force lately. I have been finding quite a bit of pleasure in my life, and that has been a good thing. I've been really enjoying running again, and I had a really good month. My mileage was higher than it had been since I ran the marathon in May, and I was feeling in very great shape. And, then I got sick. It's just a cold, but one of the worst colds I have in a long, long time. I was only able to run once this week, and I ended up with only 110 miles instead of the 130 I was shooting for. But, such is life.

Halloween was a good day, and the girls were giggly and excited and it warmed my heart. They were gorgeous in their costumes and my camera was put to use. It felt good to take pictures and see them turn out so well.

And, today is my last day of work before vacation. Just a little over 5 hours and then I will be ready for a week of bliss. I still have tomorrow to get packed, and then I head for the airport bright and early Monday morning. I haven't ever looked forward to something more in all my life.

28 more days

The last post was 28 hours and that time has come and gone. He was here, and it was mellow and perfect and everything that I wanted and needed it to be, except that it is never enough. I still cannot believe the way that this man makes me feel. I am enveloped in love and contentedness in a way that I never imagined before. I know I say it over and over again, but it's shocking to me and I have to keep saying it, because if I don't, maybe it's not real?

We had a quiet morning. We went and got bagels, then did some shopping. Just normal everyday stuff. Being together is just so easy. From the time we met, we just fell into a routine. That is not to say that life is boring or plain when we are together. It is just so right, and so comfortable. Later in the day we went for a run. It was wonderful. I was feeling so good after a week of absolutely horrible runs. The weather was perfect and it was so beautiful outside. I could have gone forever, but unfortunately he tired out quickly. Such is life. I still love running with him more than just about anything.

We spent the afternoon with my parents. We had dinner and watched football. I could tell he was feeling more comfortable with my family and that makes me very happy. Then, after it was dark, we went out for another walk. It was cool and crisp and the air smelled so good after the rain. We walked along, holding hands, taking in the night and talking.

And, then, this morning, he got back on a plane. Why does he always have to leave me?

It's now 28 days until we go to Hawaii. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. It's going to be beautiful and romantic and perfect. But, even a day hanging around town is that when we are together.

28 more hours

And then, for 36 hours, all will be right with the world. I will feel the calm settle back into my bones. I will be held and kissed and feel all the things that I miss every day. I'm the type of person that thrives on physical contact. Being alone is so hard for me. I hate it. I wonder how long I will have to endure this?

Grandma

She's 84 years old. She's had a tough 10 years. Advanced colon cancer that required surgery and chemo, a triple bypass and valve replacement, the loss of her husband, medication that almost killed her while trying to control her erratic heartbeat, and then the time she coded on the table and they brought her back. She always found a way to bounce back. She's a feisty thing. She loved our parties, loved listening to the band play, loved to gamble and go to Nevada. She played Texas Hold 'Em whenever we wanted to, and wasn't afraid to throw her money in. And, more than a few times, she walked away with the winnings. I spent a lot of time playing cribbage with her as I was growing up. She loves her grandchildren and great grand-children so much.

But, grandma is not going to be with us much longer. This morning when I kissed her and told her I loved her, I could feel the end closing in. Her breathing is ragged, she is so weak, and she just seems so frail and so unlike the lively, feisty grandma that I love. It's hard to let go, but it's so hard to watch her in the state that she is in. I hope she is released soon, and that she can dance the two step in the clouds with my grandpa.

Not very interesting

I'm not a very interesting blogger. I should make myself write a little more. That was really the point of starting this blog. I was looking for a bit of motivation for many of the things in my life that I seem to have lost my mojo for lately.

Photography is one of them. I have hardly shot a picture in months. I took some pictures of the kids cuddled up together the other day. 2 to be exact. I'm so disappointed in myself for my loss of passion and drive.

And running. I am running, and I still love it and it keeps me sane, but I also seem to have lost that edge that I had. The force that was driving me to train hard and push myself. I don't have a race to train for at the moment, and I suppose that could have something to do with it. Ron and I are planning for the Seattle Rock and Roll Marathon in June, but that's so far off right now it's not providing the spark I need.

Everything just seems so blah. If I am not sad and depressed, then it seems that I am just bored. It seems like it's been months since I have had a moment where I felt so happy I could burst, and that used to be an almost constant feeling for me. What has happened to me?

And, why do I keep complaining all the time? Maybe I should just stop complaining and start living? Maybe this is all my own doing?

Looking forward

I'm feeling quite well at the moment, and I can only hope that things can stay looking brighter. I have things to look forward to on the horizon and I'm trying to train myself to look daily at all the blessings in my life so that I'm not sucked under by the pain and depression again.

Ron will be here for a short visit in 15 days. It's not nearly enough time, but I will take what I can get. He will be visiting at the same time I suspect Aunt Flo will be making her month appearance and I'm hoping that his presence will ward of the demons. I can't imagine feeling as sad as I did last month when he will be here with his loving arms around me.

And then, only 30 days later, we will leave for Hawaii for a week. I'm very excited, as it will be my first trip there. I'm looking forward to romance and relaxation and the beautiful surroundings. I can't imagine much better right now, except if I could have him here with me every day.